<3sapphyrebaby

2011-04-11T01:22:00.002+08:00

I never knew my grandfather from my mother's side. It never occurred to me to ask why and where. Maybe, just maybe my child self had assumed his death or it just simply was part of the white elephant that my child self never really saw.
Today I put the finishing touches of the piece I would write for my Creative Writing class and upon reading it, the dam broke, the tears poured. Shamefully I admit I had never shed a tear upon his death simply because I never knew him. And now I cry for what is lost and what I would never get to know.
And later before I sleep, I will pray that my future offspring would never have this experience. It's so painful and yet it doesn't hurt anywhere but my head and my heart...

2010-10-01T23:41:00.002+08:00

i hate how 'shit happens'. totally overbooked for the next two months or so, actually till the end of the year. sighs. this really sucks.

btw, i hate class. i hate classes dealing with figures and graphs and whatnot. seriously it wasn't my forte back then, it still isn't. really seem so pointless as I struggle to keep up with the class when it doesn't make any sense at all...

2010-09-17T10:25:00.000+08:00

We've entered a new point in time
where poetry does not have to rhyme
where the moon is not cheese
where the stars are only gas
where laughter means you're broken

where tears mean you're human
where music is for the dying
where news is for lying
where nothing is as it should be
where there is only you but no me:
where has our innocence gone?

We've enter a new place in life
where the darkness is light
where beauty is sin
where fear is believing
where seeing is deceiving

where rainbows hold no pot of gold
where the streets are desecrated
where windows are broken
where no doors are open
where we are truly alone:
where has our innocence gone?

We've started a new path
where words are not spoken
where hands are not holding on
where lies lead to "good-byes"
where dreams paint the world silver and gold

where children always do as they're told
where our songs have meaning
where our smiles mean joy
where no one is anyone's toy
where I belong to me and you to yourself:
where our innocence is all we have left.
~R.R. Cannon

2010-09-05T10:19:00.002+08:00

Just had home made breakfast with my bf. It's hilarious since neither of us can do much in the kitchen. Our potatoes were a total failure but the rest of the meal was edible, thank god! :)
Bf's watching POC:TWE now. Seriously, its hard to watch dvds with him coz he likes to skip to the parts he like. Ugh!
I love Romeo and Juliet-esque stories. <3 Feel so mushy and weepy whenever I watch or read those. Oh man oh man, if only I could write one as good as those.

2010-09-02T19:41:00.003+08:00

Is it my fault if you refuse to keep in contact?

I won't let this person make me feel guilty anymore. I do try my best but the fact that you're a spoilt, immature person trying to play at being a grown up infuriates me. If you do want to be treated and recognized as a responsible youth, please learn some manners, tact and accountability.

2010-08-24T23:22:00.002+08:00

just watched YOG handball semi-finals. EXHILARATING! omggg. i am so in love with the players yaaaaaaaaaa. le sigh. hot hot hot. now i understand why so many of my friends have fallen in love with those pesky korean singers/actors. gosh darn it. the players are so cute (although a little young). and the french, brazil and egyptian players aren't too shabby either. looks and skill-wise of course. xD

other news. i'm still looking for mahjong kakis!! like seriously, please, if you're not too pro and not too green and agreeable to playing with money, please please get in contact. my hands are like itching to dry swim.

2010-08-13T15:50:00.002+08:00

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 81, and find line 4.

No book near me.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?

The edge of the table.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Lie to Me

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:

3.30?

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

3.51

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

Pages being turned, someone sniffing, people talking.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Lunchtime. Walk around and buy lunch.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

Fanfic.

9. What are you wearing?

Green romper, white tee.

10. Did you dream last night?

Yeah.

11. When did you last laugh?

Earlier this afternoon

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Bits of blu-tack. Post its and papers.

13. Seen anything weird lately?

Some trashy looking dude attempting to swagger his way while being filmed.

14. What do you think of this quiz?

No opinion.

15. What is the last film you saw?

Salt

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

My own house?

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:

Erm. I want a pet so bad I considered buying hermit crabs?

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

No discrimination.

19. Do you like to dance?

With some people, yeah.

20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

Kathryn Elysia

21. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

Travis Peter

22. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Quite often, yeah.

23. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the "pearly gates"?

Honeymoon suite with Piotr Rasputin (aka Colossus), right this way.

=================================
Yes, I'm not dead. Yes, I was bored. Yes, I'm not posting anything of much value today.

2010-07-17T23:43:00.002+08:00

just so tired for the last few weeks. i seriously have no me-time. i feel like time is blowing past and i'm just walking walking walking. seriously where does all of my time go to? work, class, sleep. work, class, sleep. i think there are only a handful of days in the last few weeks that i actually got to hang out and chill with my friends and even then, i managed to only see three friends.
birthday's coming up in about two weeks. seriously if there's such a thing as vampires and age-stopping, i'll gladly welcome it. i won't mind be immortalized at 19, or rather 18 since i prefer it to be ASAP.

baby its not you, its me.
hell, we all know the truth.
i'd pick myself over you any day
because that's who i am.
i won't change anything for anyone but me.
i love myself first and foremost
and that you should have known.

2010-05-12T20:04:00.002+08:00

Nearly a month since I last updated. Quite a bit happened in the meantime. Laptop racked with viruses. Handphone down and out. Started my 2nd sem of 2010. Air con in the house broke down. Technically a month full of minuses although there are some highlights. Shopping dates with Debbie love, movie sleepovers with Kathy; crazy parties with Shaniqua, Maa and WJ. <3

Although right now I'm being held hostage in workplace law. Smsing with Mich as we hopelessly try to keep awake as our lecturers yak an yak. Bleargh.
Work is a little hectic and I fin myself craving more sleep than ever. Been contemplating quitting but I like earning my own money plus it keeps me away from the utterly nonsensical drama that goes on at home. Le sigh.
Can someone totally date me out? I'm more into spontaneity but sadly not all my friends appreciate it and plans tend to fall through due to a) lack of activities available in sg or b) lack of funds. :(

2010-04-18T02:38:00.003+08:00

i've been inspired to blog again! by someone's, er, beau (if you could call him that). reading his posts made me more critical of my own as well as thinking about a ton of stuff which i never seem to be willing to confront. i guess this is the part where i bury my old self and my mask and start over.
technically this is the sort of New Year's resolution which i never believed in and would have procrastinated if i did have one. new term at school coming up too. so i think its time i uprooted everything that's holding me down and to cut off ties which have a bad affect on me.

2010-03-01T17:15:00.003+08:00

wore a skirt to work today. felt so damn awkward. especially since i live and breathe in shorts. but i love the material of my skirt, it feels so nice. i swear, if it was a shirt, i can fall asleep anywhere if i wear it. :)
my phone has locked itself. ugh. the touchscreen isn't working so i can't unlock it. pictures from both sat and sun have disappeared into the pits of phone hell and i doubt i can get them back. sighhh.

2010-02-19T11:29:00.002+08:00

really quiet cny this year. and so far i'm really liking it. i hate big gatherings. its really pointless when i'm not really interested in seeing my extended family (majority of whom don't even contact us except in social functions which we are thrown together) so yeah.
cousin flew off to melbs on sunday night. suddenly am not looking forward to studying overseas. i have this love/hate relationship with fresh starts. i crave for it yet i dread the moment it actually arrives. not to mention it puts a bajillion miles between me and my besties and bf.
promised myself i would get my driving license by the end of 2010 but the way i keep procrastinating on it means it might take a while longer.
i swear the gushy, annoyingly optimistic side of me is overflowing. i actually spent two days making cupcakes and chocolates for my friends and bf. (mostly bf but i saved the nicer ones for friends, bf can have the not-so-nice looking ones. hee.) the one thing i promised myself was never to get domesticated. ugh. (i swore that my future husband was gonna cook, clean and do whatever but give birth to our future spawnlings [i say, spawnlings sounds so much awesome-r than babies] and even then i'll begrudge him for it since i got fat and moody for the spawnling to pop out.) omgggg. i sound like a total bitch. okay. change of plans. scrap what i said. i'll plan this thing out after marriage so the poor sucker can't do anything. muahaha. xD

2010-02-14T22:21:00.001+08:00

i feel like someone slapped me in the face and poured salt in a raw wound. seriously seriously upset. i sound like a bitch right now but i'm practically containing myself from picking up the phone and screaming 'fuck you' to that person. UGH.
shoulda known it was too good to be true. sighs. i swear, 3 years on from the first disaster to now and NO improvement. grrrr. subtle hints don't work, 'subtle' hints (which means practically waylaying it) also don't work. wth.
note to self: listening to music that makes me cry actually makes the situation even more bleak but i think my mind's punishing my heart. :(

maybe i wasn't meant to love.

2010-02-11T09:16:00.002+08:00

its funny how naysayers always say valentine's day is so commercialized. but what if i want to be bought into this fairytale? agreeably, its the one day where its not okay to be single (not that its a must to be attached)
i get all gooey inside whenever i see couples or flowers or hear love songs on the radio during the week leading up to v-day. *sighs*
its like a happiness drug. one that i walk around with rose-colored spectacles and view the world in the same shade. its such a happy time (and yes, i'm blathering but obviously v-day is like cocaine to me)

Can you feel this magic in the air?
It must've been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standin' there
It must've been the way
-taylor swift

2010-02-09T11:40:00.002+08:00

movie premier/preview of Valentine's Day tonight. aaaah! i swear i'm just gonna ogle and drool over my hawt hawt husband no 2. hahaha.
meeting kat for din dins before that. hopefully she won't be wearing heels if not i'll regret not wearing heels too.

2010-02-04T23:35:00.001+08:00

my nails are the sex! i could just orgasm looking at them can? *sighs* they're so worth the money and pampering. CNY, i am sooooo prepared for you. wish i could take a photo but i cant hold the cam and take my nails. hopefully i can get Kev to do it tml.

2010-02-03T12:25:00.002+08:00

went to the Y cafe today. and i've never missed being us this much before.
there's onions on my plate. the ones you would normally eat coz i said its weird and makes your breath smelly but you like them and eat them anyway. i miss how you would laugh at how i hold my chopsticks and ask if i needed a fork despite that i'll never say yes and that you'd never ask for it even if i did. i miss how you'd listen to me chatter just so you can steal a sip of my drink.
goddammit. i miss you. :(

2010-02-01T17:53:00.002+08:00

hard day at work. really tried to finish up as much as i could. course my attention span died when i realised its half hour til knockoff. hee.
sometimes i wonder if i made the right decision years ago but everytime i question it, you do something that makes me say 'yeah i made the right choice'. it does hurt at times, i admit. but if my 'friends' really did care, then i wouldn't have left in the first place too.

2010-01-29T17:41:00.003+08:00

i think i have coughed up a lung and a half over the past few days. so annoying that whenever me or my sister get sick, our parents dont seem to notice, or care. its mean to say but its true.
school sucks and i hate it. not gonna transfer class so from CNY week onwards, i only need to go to school once a week. assignments are all due next week, hopefully i can churn out a 1500 word essay that makes sense to my lecturer coz i seriously don't understand the class.
miss my babes. i haven't hung with michelle in ages. i only see debs and kat once in awhile. i haven't seen the NK sisters since last year. i can't wait til term break which is like in two months plus. blearghs.

2010-01-24T22:56:00.002+08:00

so obsessed with my new toy. i think i've been playing with it like everyday and checking it at least once an hour so far. omg, i never knew i could such an addict. god forbid i ever try something insanely stupid coz i might get addicted to that too. LAWL.
been checking out brochures for holidays. hopefully i can save up enough then me and B can go for a holiday. i think i wanna go shopping but something tells me its meant to be a restful holiday for B. =/

2010-01-19T20:38:00.001+08:00

two days at work and i'm dying already. am so tired. crashed when i got home and even now i'm still sleepy. sighs. keep thinking of the moolah, laura, that's your motivation.
crapped with ash and andy on fb today. i seriously have to think about replacing or fixing my laptop so that i can actually use the net longer than 20 mins a day at home.
2010 looks like the moolah-fly-away year for me. :(

2010-01-18T22:08:00.002+08:00

laptop giving me a lotta shit. i'm so tempted to ask for a new laptop but i think i'd get killed since this lappie's barely one and half years old. UGH. i'm sorry to say this but my love for my beloved pink laptop is dying especially when IT WONT WORK PROPERLY.
work again tomorrow. not looking forward but i need to make some moolah. that's real life for ya. sighs.

2010-01-14T22:46:00.002+08:00

omgggggggggggg. jacky's coming back from his two week banishment (aka NS). :) i am like jumping for joy, like seriously. i hate hate hate not talking to him can. jacky ish my BFF~! lols. i sound totally spastic.
anyhoos first CR class tomorrow, heard that its tough but i guess, whatever it is, i've gotta make the best of it. gonna see the girls and darren again. hee.
HROD was really boring today. just stoning away. i think next time i need to reserve like two rows so that jiangyue and kailin can sit behind or in front of me and maxine instead of sitting like at opposite ends of the classroom. wtf is wrong with our school. we have like 60 students in the class and like from the third or fourth row onwards, you cant see jack shit and this is a class where the lecturer seems to depend on the whiteboard. ugh.
watched american idol with kevin. i think we're the worst sort of audience. we jabber so much, we get up for tons of snack breaks and toilet breaks and whatnot breaks.
i think i've already mentioned it but i soooooooooooo can't wait til i see jacky. i think the first thing i'm gonna comment is how sunburnt he is (he's very sensitive about being 'chaotah'). he's sooooo gonna slap me. hahaha.

2010-01-13T22:20:00.003+08:00

went for high tea with mummy today. hate the weather so so darn much. i can't even go out for like five minutes without breaking into sweat. gah!
anyhoos found out that my CR lecturer has been replaced and the lessons will be moved up to another day/time slot. bleahs.
i swear if this was a cartoon, i would have wet myself dying in agony of my results but i've passed all! yeah. :)

2010-01-12T22:39:00.000+08:00

i think i'm most self-destructive whenever i brood. maybe it makes up for the fact i am kinda neurotic. lately.. i just find myself taking hits on everything and it's seriously depressing.
people carry different ideas of who i am but really, WHO AM I to myself? even after posing the question a week ago, i have no answers. for as long as i can remember, my main description is that 'you're really good in English' or 'you like to read a lot'. and so what? if i died tomorrow, would that be on my grave? like 'great at English' or 'voracious reader' or something equally mundane? okay, maybe loved by all is bland and much more overused but i digress.
i'm not interested in being some rude bitch and/or SPG but i'm not clamoring to be some kind of scholar either.
and maybe that's what worries me. i have no goals. at least none that my parents would approve of. (yes, i get that i'm 18 and i have my own mind and therefore can make my own rational decisions) but i can't be like some people and wait around and party and hopefully get hitched to some rich guy before their looks fade and he starts dickering around.. again, i digress.
so yeah. i think maybe the hiatus coming up might be time for me to do some soul-searching.

2010-01-03T23:15:00.002+08:00

i'm not dead. just a total lack of interest in anything online. plus my laptop's giving me tons of problems. so yeah. been playing sims3 and reading books the entire holiday. school starts on thurs. boo. :(

2009-12-05T21:04:00.002+08:00

i'm so excited! in like 25 hours i'll be on a plane to melbourne. although before that i've got to pack my stuff and take an exam. omgomgomg.
had wicked fun over the last few days. party @ neusha and nelly's place. slept over coz we went to watch new moon on friday. go team topless! i'm sooooooooo in love with taylor lautner right now. i even freaked out when i saw those stupid unauthorized biographies of taylor lautner today.
went kbox with office peeps on friday night. totally mad fun. i sang until i kinda lost my voice for the night.
anyhoos, unlikely to update until i'm back from melbourne. so yeah. uh huh.

2009-11-30T00:25:00.002+08:00

haven't updated in ages. had so much to type but decided not to especially since i'll never know when karma's gonna bite me in the ass if i kept all the horrid stuff on my blog. ain't nothing quite like bad karma especially during holidays.
so yeah. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NELLY. my love to you~! mwah mwah mwah. hahahaha. omgggg. hope i see you today (if you even do read my blog) if not then tomorrow yes?
got my H1N1 jab on sunday. arrh. hate injections, hate needles. bleahs. played rock band at jon and raina's place. love it so much but obviously got shot down when me and sibs asked mom for one. boo. :(

2009-11-23T23:13:00.000+08:00

for your eyes only.

http://sapphyrestar.blogspot.com

(note to some toots *coughs*, i mean darlings - yes yes, already added you peeps to view the blog.)

2009-11-23T23:00:00.002+08:00

no inspiration to blog nowadays. half contemplating to shut down my blog for good but well.. who knows.
KOL presentation over. now i'm just left with media law essay and exams before i can have my two weeks hols. of course, that doesn't count melbourne trip since i'm going during my study break with the fam.
i said goodbye to a person i once thought was very important to me. and the funny thing was that beneath all that shit, he was actually a fairly decent person. maybe not to me, but to his other friends.
spent the evening reading yakuza moon by shoko tendo. i read about halfway into it once but since i didn't remember the title back then, i couldn't go and buy the book (since i had borrowed it from maxie during class a while back). coincidentally saw it on the shelf near the cashier on sunday when my dad and i went to borders. we bought like $500 worth of books. i think my sister was really bugged by it coz she wants the money to spend on clothes and such. although i think books are more worth it, i dunno where the heck i'm gonna put my books.

2009-11-19T22:11:00.003+08:00

interesting few days. presentation for otb class is OVER. i am sooooooooooooooo happy. especially since i think i looked like a right twat presenting. gaaaah.
anyways got paid so i'm a happy 'kid'. i think i practically burst into squeals when i got my paycheck. who am i kidding? i'm gonna shop like mad in australia now.
not making much sense but whatever. dinner and kbox with W tomorrow night, i super cant wait!
Why do we go dancing in circles
When we know it never ends
We come so close to loving each other
And then, we go dancing in circles again
-love&theft

2009-11-16T20:23:00.002+08:00

had like 312095746981 things to blog about but after my initial anger/happiness/surprise, i find myself at a loss at what to write.
resigned myself that my social calendar is nothing but blank. at least til debs and nels booked a couple of days. :) i shall none-too-subtly hint to jake that i'm very dateless and see if he'll watch 2012 with me this week. heehee.
oh yeah. anyone wanna watch paranormal activity with me? i'm really scared to watch it alone and plusplusplus my friend said there's three different endings. i told her if i manage to sit through one would be a blooming miracle so yeah. that's about it.
gee, this sounds more like an ad than a blog post but whatever.
work. school. work. no change in schedule. went to lunch with mummy. the new burger cafe at raffles. but its disappointing and totally not worth the fifteen odd dollars. i loved the apple drinks but i dont think i'll be going back any time soon. no offense but the cafe's business is probably like one-off customers who go for the novelty of it but are quite unlikely to come because a) the 'head' waitress is a damn put off, b) the place is too damn cramped and must share tables with others (even worse than kopitiam) and c) food isnt worth it. i think mosburger burgers are better and that's saddening for me to say that.

2009-11-14T22:40:00.002+08:00

acs carnival today. had such high hopes but i was greatly disappointed. i think even at one point i turned to wj and commented 'is it me or has the recession affected schools too?' it was THAT bad.
i mean, sure, new stuff like the balls floating on water, mini-ringo circus and a kiddie race track were introduced but with such bad weather, none of it mattered. went on the meteorite ride ONCE with my bro. i love going on rides just to scream and frighten the shit out of people who are queuing up for it. xD
oh wells. thank god none of mine or wj's friends were free to come. i would have felt so bad coz i think they would have had a shitty time.

2009-11-11T23:32:00.005+08:00

just realized that i have a big blue-black on my hip and it hurts really bad. was half asleep when i rolled onto it and it woke me up. and now its happily reminding me about it with constant twinges of pain. sighs.
relieved that my essay due date is actually next thursday as opposed to tomorrow. but i don't really have the mood to feel cheerful or anything.

So empty, can't feel no more,
As I'm left with my tears on the floor
I wait for my heart to mend,
But you keep tearing a hole

2009-11-11T10:58:00.003+08:00

saw this on ewen's blog and i guess i'm bored enough to try it out myself. so anyways.

TEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT MYSELF

1. My favorite color is turquoise.
2. I combine both American and British spelling and can't tell the difference.
3. I think wearing socks to sleep is cool.
4. I can sing 8 different Chinese songs from start to finish but I don't know the meaning behind the songs.
5. I obsessively follow gossip blogs/magazines on a daily/weekly basis.
6. I'm open to nearly all sorts of conversations except gore and stupid action show/games/movies.
7. I'm pretty anal about hygiene and will not sleep or go out without showering first.
8. My biggest fantasy is to be Mrs. Piotr Rasputin.
9. I hate getting my hair wet (for other reasons besides bathing)
10. I adore playing pool but can never finish a game without embarrassing myself.

2009-11-10T21:58:00.001+08:00

went shopping with WJ after work today. took a bus from work all the way to parkway. i reaaaaaally hate rush hour.
straight to m&s. forced WJ to try on a shirt which i don't think he really liked. didn't have the size for the shirt he wanted so he left his number for them to call us back when the stock arrives. bought some stuff at m&s too. obviously very broke after that.
went to eat kfc but i kinda lost my appetite when i saw a bug on the tray. ugh. gross. WJ kinda lost his temper at me then but i can't help it. its a major pet peeve that i wont eat once i see insects inside or even on the tray of food. its just too damn disgusting.
walked around but couldn't find what i was looking for. sighs. gonna try another place soon. hopefully can find it.
four more days to ACS carnival.

2009-11-09T21:45:00.003+08:00

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

started raining during class today and the song popped into my mind. and it continued all way til evening. i felt like those silly, feel good movies coz i was singing it out loud from the bridge near work all the way to the lifts.
saw christine after work. felt really good to chat with her. hopefully we can meet up for lunch soon.
counting down to my brother school's carnival on sat. pray for good weather then coz i'm really looking forward to it.
shopping tomorrow evening again. i think the people at parkway must recognise me by now.

2009-11-08T11:05:00.002+08:00

was supposed to go ikea and the nearby shopping mall with jacky yesterday but he changed his mind so we walked over to parkway to shop. went to eat at cafe but i think the standard has really gone to the dogs which is sad coz its michy, mine and jacky's favorite place to eat at parkway.
walked around parkway but jacky was feeling grumpy so our shopping trip ended pretty early. went to buy nz ice cream. loves. was really crowded and we had to wait a bit. while jacky was waiting to pay for the ice cream, some nz ice cream survey guy came up and asked us if we minded doing a survey. was gonna ask jacky to do it coz i was preoccupied with my ice cream but he turned to me so i did the survey. not too bad since i got a free ice cream coupon.
shared the ice cream with jacky while waiting for a cab. the queue was freaking long but i was too absorbed in my ice cream induced-high.
went out for buffet dinner with family and paternal side relatives. pretty good but i was really stuffed afterwards.
anyways no plans for the entire week. since its shaping up to be a quiet week, i gotta go down and buy some books to entertain moiself. or maybe i'll just log into fb and neopets. =D

2009-11-06T16:09:00.004+08:00

finally hit home stretch. one more paper and one more presentation to go. obviously still have exams but that's waaaaaay in december. i'm just jumping for joy coz KOL is like 1/3 gone and done with.
shopping trip with jacky tomorrow. gonna go ikea for lunch but i think jake might regret it. haahah. i said i felt like taking the bus and since he's not a fan of public transport (not that i am one anyways), its gonna be a grumpy ride. :)
struggled to stay awake the whole day today coz i was up til 5am rushing project. -winces- went to starbucks for caffeine/sugar revival which worked until about half an hour ago. probably gonna crash early today too.
anyhoos, anyone wanna date me out next week?? celebrating my liberation from tons of schoolwork and my paycheck naturally.

2009-11-04T00:08:00.002+08:00

i'm so tired but i just can't sleep. my sore throat's turned into a bad cough and i wake myself at odd hours with a coughing fit. it doesn't help that i've got an assignment, a presentation and a paper to complete by the end of thursday. seriously zero mood for anything. i just want sleep but it eludes me.
got work and class tomorrow. probably gonna work through class to finish my presentation stuff. but seriously all i want to do is take a sleeping pill and spend the next 12 hours unconscious.

2009-11-02T21:33:00.001+08:00

down with a bad cold and sore throat. ugh. i sound so gross right now. people keep asking me if i just woke up whenever i pick up the phone coz i sound so croaky.
i'm so bored at home. can't wait til wednesday and saturday. hope i'll be better by then.

2009-10-27T11:07:00.002+08:00

working now. taking a short break to blog before spreadsheets take over for the next few hours. ugh. assignment due on friday. hope i can get a couple of good references for my group. seriously appreciate them. :)
anyhoos. been playing facebook games at every free moment i have. even if its just a minute, i would log in to check stuff before logging back out.
family holiday might be cancelled this year. kinda sad coz i really do want to travel and shop overseas. saving up the money i earned just for shopping. gawd, i am a shopaholic in denial.
been thinking about that day when angie and i were talking and she suddenly asked me what was the first impression i had about her. the answer wasn't really nice but i think she expected it. i found mine (friendly) very patronizing. but i didn't mention it because she obviously thought it was a compliment. still undecided how i truly feel about being seen as 'friendly' because i don't think friendly is how my first impression goes.

2009-10-25T02:13:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BELATED 50th BIRTHDAY DADDY~!
anyhoos, great party. pics might go up but only if i can get them from the official photographer. obviously it was fairly formal so i wore a dress and for the first time, wore heels. now my legs are dying coz they ache. -glares at shoes- i better have lost weight walking around.
finally bought the love and theft 'cd' from itunes coz singapore doesn't seem to carry it. ugh.
plans for perth finally coming together. hope there won't be any hiccups.
i wanna go for the Halloween night safari thingy. but so far can't find anyone to go with me. saw in today or ytd newpaper that 31st oct would be some single/matchmaking session at the night safari. i'm almost tempted enough to ask mich if she wants to go with moi. hahhaa.

2009-10-24T11:00:00.002+08:00

went for media class and skipped business today. good choice since teacher gave out assignments today. stress arhs!
me and lynnette are like hugging our laptops and furiously taking down notes. i think my nails make a lotta noise but i couldnt care less. playing farmville in the meantime, i'm super bored.
trying not to breathe in too much coz there's someone in my class who has either bad breath or pretty horrid BO. feel like fainting. help~!
anyhoos, anyone wanna date me out after next week? i think my need for socialization just increased tenfold, am so tempted to give a rude wake up call to J or mich just so i could talk to someone. hahaha.

It's a masquerade, a love parade
So won't you stay and dance with me
All through the night and day
My masquerade, I need you baby
So stay with me tonight
-bsb

i wanna learn to love again

2009-10-22T00:15:00.002+08:00

silly me. always getting overexcited. went to ecp partially to walk and partially to see halley's comet but failed. (coz my info was screwy). anyhoos, still a pretty good time.
econs was alright. i think if i had studied more, i might have been able to answer the section B with more confidence but i still think i can get a pass or credit.
got class in a coupla hours followed by work and then some. gotta sleep but something just spoiled my mood and i can't go to sleep just yet.

i took a chance, i took a shot
And you might think i'm bulletproof but i'm not

2009-10-21T10:02:00.002+08:00

spent part of my day studying before mahjong with glen and his dad yesterday. fun fun. i think i won most of glen's money. (note that of 10am on 21 Oct 2009, i have alr spent my winnings) watched glen and kev play xbox after dinner before going home.
OTB and Econs papers today. hope that what i learn is enough to get me a decent grade. realized i have two classes at the same bloody time on saturday and i'm still not sure which one is more important to attend.

2009-10-15T22:42:00.003+08:00

last few weeks have just been a blur of work and school so i was really happy to take tuesday off.
lunch date with glen who picked me up since he's finally gotten his license. lunched nearby before we went to pick mich up. headed to glen's place for mahjong.
played for like seven hours straight! had dinner on NUS campus before going home. totally enjoyed myself la. coz finally i could spend time with not only michelle but glen too. <3s
hopefully if my exam schedule isn't that fucked up, glen and i can travel down to perth. (planning to use him as my porter/slave while i shop, teehee!)
commlaw paper on wednesday. managed to answer questions. hopefully i can get a credit or disinction.
skipped econs tonight since i was feeling really lousy. took meds for fever so hopefully it'd be gone by tomorrow. working the whole day so i probably have to wear a skirt, ugh. i'm a tomboy at heart, skirts and dresses tend to be an issue but wth, gotta get used to them. and yes mich, i am so 'DYING' to learn to walk in heels.

2009-10-12T22:03:00.002+08:00

was pretty sleepy this morning so i had a rude wake up call on the ride to work. there was this huge-ass ant on the files i was helping my dad carry. i was like 'OMG, DADDY, THERE'S A HUGE ANT ON THE FILE!' and to my dad's credit he swept it off like the annoying insect it was before stomping on it. ick.
class was alright. boring lecture but really stupid group discussion-whatever thing. went over to max and fen's class during break. noisy teacher they have. heh.
tomorrow meeting glen for cupcakes and lunch. followed by mahjong. plus since glen's gotten his license, he's gonna be my personal chauffeur for tomorrow, yeah!

2009-10-11T17:41:00.002+08:00

mom dropped me off for commercial law class this morn. was so tempted to hail a cab and go to jake's place instead of attending class. but anyhoos, sat with elaine and serene again. i'm so glad i'll be seeing them in my business course classes. (YAY!)
met up with mom for lunch at raffles. ate at shokudo which made me super happy since i finally killed off my caramelized bananas in chocolate sauce crepe craving. hehehe.
nearly fell asleep in class again. i feel really bad for the teacher coz i think he notices that despite me trying not to, i do end up sleeping in his classes.
phone bill is deffo high this month. especially with all the texting during weekend classes. i so cannot go without social interaction. if the world ended someday, i hope to die then be the sole survivor coz i would just go insane without having someone to talk to.
okay, so i admit i love talking. and that i'm super talkative.
rents, kev and i are going out for dinner. yeah! i hate home made dinners on weekends (except when its western)
oh eah. i got the BSB 'this is us' cd!! gonna play it nonstop tonight and straight after my commlaw paper on wednesday.

Our song is the slamming screen door
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
'Cause it's late and your mama don't know

2009-10-10T23:36:00.002+08:00

went to watch some fashion show at taka with mich before gym today. MAJOR EYE CANDY. i think i could have died on the spot and gone to heaven just seeing those handsome beefcakes.
happily sat down in anticipation of watching the hawt male models strut their stuff. alas, we only had time to watch the elita line of clothes before rushing off.
watching the Russia VS Germany match right now. Klose scored a goal for germany. YAY GERMANY~!

2009-10-09T16:26:00.001+08:00

LAURA. サイレン. lake baikal.prydonium.♥ i want my baby CuPcake! says:
either someone just cursed me or is so obssessed with me
coz i sneezed
lols
Sherman: Jeri never fails to keep me alive. She rocks all time. says:
i think someone cursed you
LAURA. サイレン. lake baikal.prydonium.♥ i want my baby CuPcake! says:
obviously i believe its the latter
LOL
thanks arhs
must be you
-.-
Sherman: Jeri never fails to keep me alive. She rocks all time. says:
if it was me youd be sneezing all day and everyday
LAURA. サイレン. lake baikal.prydonium.♥ i want my baby CuPcake! says:
hmm
my protection strong marhs
just temporary power failure
and then your one curse got through
xD
Sherman: Jeri never fails to keep me alive. She rocks all time. says:
nah...if i curse it wont be stoppable

this is the type of stupid conversations with sherman that i endure daily. but then again, i think i would be madly bored if not for him and the rest of the office peeps. love them all.
p.s. hide all rubber bands and cold compressors coz sherman's a klepto when these items come into play. (he's very childish). hehehe.

2009-10-08T23:35:00.002+08:00

super duper tired. being stretched thin to accommodate everything. sometimes i just feel like finding a corner and start sobbing. i'm that miserable.
its hard to pretend to be truly happy when you're not. but no one actually notices either. falling apart at the seams.

2009-10-06T09:57:00.002+08:00

just had a fantastic but pretty much unhealthy breakfast. went over to barcode bakery to buy an array of buns. and surprisingly they had garlic rib bun! obviously moi was very pleased.
bought for jake too. who knew he ended up bringing nuggets and ham. yay. so we had a mini breakfast picnic before starting work. made milo to share so it really hit the spot after all that savory food.
(yes yes, michelle, i just threw away my efforts to lose weight by this week but at the moment who cares).
on a random note, this is my 400th post.

2009-10-05T23:02:00.002+08:00

you know the idiom, 'you have to be cruel to be kind'. i feel like a hypocrite by practicing it these few days. i myself can't take it, i tend to run a lot on emotions so sometimes a friend's effort comes to waste when i take offense and cry.
J, you know i care a lot for you. but sometimes, quite often really, i'm tempted to scream my head off because YOU. SIMPLY. DONT. CARE. it's insulting to hear, i know and i'm sorry but you need to have your own drive. you cant expect some dutiful wife to be pushing behind you because obviously there isn't one.
i feel like i'm blindfolded. walking through daily motions without much thought or emotion. i'm losing touch with reality, that's for sure. slipping back into nothingness.
sometimes i think that's a good thing when i just wanna get away. but life still rolls on nonetheless. and i gotta buck up on my studies, no more half-arsed attempts.
work's hit a stalemate. seriously need to be more careful with Excel. GAH! stupid spreadsheets. workmates are really good, i love them all. seriously they're the best workmates i could ask for.
schoolmates too! i feel super bad that i'm pretty useless in my HRM classes. always have to get someone to explain or teach me whatever i need to know or do. sighs. but then again, i choose to do it so i just have to suck it in and get it done with.

2009-10-02T21:57:00.002+08:00

today was really fun at work. total HIGH. lots of crude jokes flying around. SHERMAN spread the sickness to everyone so everyone was indulging in dirty jokes by lunchtime.
my group, the CI group, had staff meeting when shima (dear dear recep girl) recieved a rose from a walk-in secret admirer. that's when i hit my high i think. immediately started teasing her once the meeting was over.
puns and innuendos got progressively worse as the day wore on. particularly after the bosses left. me, jake, huda, david and sari decided to OT. sherman sat with me for like half an hour while i sorta OT-ed. heh. seriously put me in a room with jake or sherman or huda or sari and we can talk til the cows come home.
ate kenny rogers for dinner. went with jake to the GW one. coincidentally i saw my secondary sch teacher, miss chin, at the table next to us. wanted to say hi but she and her friend were gossiping away and jake felt really awkward so didn't say anything in the end.
photos are of alvin and yu tian's wedding. obviously an extravagant one (-mumbles- probably way unlike mine). lol. food was super good and noisy atmosphere. met ethel and ethan there. ethan's grown so tall! he's gonna be taller than me soon and he's only 9! ethel's still the adorable china doll that i've fallen in love with. they look so sweet as flower girl and escort. LOL.

2009-09-30T20:39:00.002+08:00

forgot today was fire drill day at work. so i was pretty surprised when the fire drill alarm went off. sherman came into the room and asked me to get out. -.- wth, thanks arhs. me, seri, huda, shima and sherman represented the firm. only benefit was we got to ogle at some rather hawt students from the school next door. yay?
lunch was korean food. ♥ loves! insisted on having my saba鱼. happy happy. sherman and jake had korean food too but they looked so unimpressed. thanks for ruining the mood yaaaaar.
class was dull. tried to stay awake but just barely. smsed with michelle for a bit before she went to sleep. 懒惰猪.
earthquake. christine's workplace building shook really badly that she evacuated and left work for the day. poor girl. she came over to find us, i think she was a bit traumatized.
watching sg idol now with parents and kevin while msning with axel. i think we talk a lot of nonsense. like right now, he just told me that female dogs menstruate. okay okay, i'm very 'suaku' and i didn't know that. so i just learnt today that female dogs DO menustruate.

2009-09-29T20:50:00.002+08:00

feeling much better today. just that after the cramps, had some sort of skin allergy. broke out in angry bumps and itches. grrrr.
is it my fault that i'm very chummy with some people? it just can't be helped that i click better with others. i find it very frustrating to have to explain my every move and to defend or justify what i do. its both upsetting and sickening. its even more irritating when people play the tragic role and i am cast as the evil one.
classes start on thursday. gonna have to skip the wedding. SORRY CHRISTINE! i really did want to attend but studies have to come first. (especially when its $650 a pop, mind you)
finally got my pay! decided i'm gonna save up for my baby CuPcake. and i think a handful of people know how badly i want. HINT TO MY PARENTS - i wouldn't mind a half-sponsored CuPcake!

2009-09-28T08:55:00.003+08:00

something's wrong with either my laptop or my internet connection so finally blogging at work..
out sick. seriously bad bad bad pain but i cant afford to skip school or work so yeah. sighh. ughhhh, can barely concentrate coz i'm in so much pain. obviously not very coherent either but wth.
thinking of going home at lunchtime but i've got school in the PM. dammit. hopefully i can endure this until 5pm then i'll hurry home, pass out for the next two days and wake up cured. heh. that's a big if.

2009-09-25T23:07:00.003+08:00

first day of the entire week to sleep in and i couldn't even sleep past 8 before someone typically disturbed me. GRRRRRRRRR. f-ing hell. i need my own room and with a lock.
met mich around 2 to kbox. so annoyed with the kbox staff at times. they're so inflexible right mich? the people at suntec are waaaaaaaaaay more reasonable. anyways had fun as usual. i think we sounded bad today but we managed to harmonize after the first drink.
had two hours to kill before the movie started. ate at the food court (for the second day in the row!) which is a damn near miracle for both me and mich who are firmly non-supporters of food courts and even more so of hawker centres. ick. satisfied my chocolate cravings by having waffles. hah.
walked around before ending up at the supermarket. and its the first place where michelle would start her nonsensical 'logic'. she said she wanted to buy a type of cheese just because it had holes. le sigh. her reason was coz it looked tasty on tom and jerry.
later she predicted that i'd meet my dream guy by the end of this year and have his baby by the end of 2010. and i think i was high enough to let her talk me into it. haha. so stupid but we were giggling over a load of stuff by then.
the ugly truth movie was pretty good. kept laughing. accidentally said 'wow' really loudly when the neighbor appeared coz i was just commenting i wouldnt mind a really hawt neighbor (as opposed to my rude, noisy neighbors).
walked home with mich. we barely walked out of the car park before she complained she wanted to cab back but we managed to walk pretty far before i wanted to take a bus. mich got onto the bus with me coz there was a cockroach at the bus stop. pity for her was if she had been more patient, her bus was actually just behind mine. a real laugh that was.
would prob blog more but i'm too tired at this point to formulate coherent sentences beyond this.

so pliant, so trusting.
you knew the storyline well.

2009-09-25T00:27:00.003+08:00

conked out really early on wednesday which meant my laptop saw no usage that day. kinda worried my friends since i'm the weird insomniac who doesn't sleep. yes yes, i'm having my off days thrown together and now i desperately need sleep.
i feel like my days are clumped together. school. work. gym. health care crap. and the cycle repeats itself. like this week, i didn't see my friends, outside from work that is. kinda sucks.
friday mahjong party got cancelled which means i'm so heading over a bookstore and buying my latest list of books to read. i'm a voracious reader, so sue me.
work's not too bad. client(slash-boss) can be super difficult but that's life. i think sherman, jake and i live for fb/twitter/msn then because we might probably just die. we're super spammers especially on long afternoons. today was just madness and sugar rushes.
have an outing with them next week. hope i don't have class then. seriously i want my fun time!

2009-09-22T23:59:00.001+08:00

took this right brain left brain quiz. a bit of a DUH, obvious choice thing. no doubt about it, i'm more right brain than left so yeah. results back that up.

You are a right brain dominant student!

You probably get bored during long lectures and prefer to take classes with a lot of freedom of movement and thought. You like to write stories and even tell stories about your funny experiences. You might be a little suspicious of other people's motives sometimes, but that's only because you can usually tell whenever someone is lying or when they're up to no good. You are a little on the dreamy side--or a lot. You plan books or movie plots but you don't always follow through on things you think about. You should work on that. You are fun and spontaneous, and probably active in sports or clubs. Your feelings run deep, and it shows. You have strong instincts, and you solve problems on hunches and feelings. You are artistic in some way. You can believe in things based on experience, without seeing scientific proof.

Characteristics of Right-Brain Students

* You take notes but lose them. You may have a hard time keeping track of your research
* You might have a hard time making up your mind
* You are good with people
* You don't fall for practical jokes as easily as some
* You seem dreamy, but you're really deep in thought
* People may have told you you're psychic
* You like to write fiction, draw, or play music
* You might be athletic
* You like mystery stories
* You take time to ponder and you think there are two sides to every story
* You may lose track of time
* You are spontaneous
* You’re fun and witty
* You may find it hard to follow verbal directions
* You are unpredictable
* You get lost
* You are emotional
* You don't like reading directions
* You may listen to music while studying
* You read lying down
* You may be interested in “the unexplained”
* You are philosophical

Your Classes

* In history class, you enjoy the social aspects most. You like to explore the effects of things that happened in history. You like the essays, too.
* You can do well in math class if you apply yourself, but you get bored doing long problems.
* Science? Boring.
* You do well in English class, especially when it comes to reading literature and writing essays about books. You also do well in creative writing assignments.

Advice for Right Brain Students

* Choose to do personal essays
* Watch your daydreaming—keep it under control
* Let your imagination work for you in the arts
* Let your intuition work for you in social situations
* Let your deep thinking work for you during essay tests—but don’t ponder too long
* Be creative with essays. You can use colorful language well
* Use images and charts when you study
* Write down directions
* Try to be more organized!
* Don’t be overly suspicious of others
* Make outlines to organize your thoughts.
* Choose fiction in reading assignments
* Try to avoid teachers who lecture a lot; choose teachers who use activities
* You tell stories well, so write some!
* Put information into categories for better understanding
* Avoid getting bogged down by thinking of all possibilities when answering questions
* Finish things! You have so much talent, but you don’t always complete things.

2009-09-22T23:24:00.002+08:00

went to work super early today. was so exhausted and i could barely keep my eyes open in the am. stoned pretty much throughout the day but at least i got a bit of work done.
subway for lunch! i love the nearby subway, they're so generous with the tuna so i order it every time.
tempted to go buy more books to read but i'm holding out til thursday then i'll pick two, maybe three books for the weekend.
finally caught up with vampire dairies. yeah. pity the story doesn't quite have the same thrilling effect as the books had when i read it back in primary school. omggg. can you imagine how old these books are? i feel damn old thinking about it too. le sigh.

i'm tired of your lies,
your empty promises, your false pretenses.
so i'm writing you out of this fairytale.
closing a chapter,
goodbye to what i thought
was a happy ending.
to my prince charming
that was never to be.

2009-09-21T00:22:00.002+08:00

had my paper yesterday. was pretty unnerved before it even started but managed to calm down and revise a bit before going on. alright paper but not entirely confident.
met my dad to see the dead sea scrolls exhibition. to my surprise, i bumped into an old friend. really glad to see this bit of my past pop out. didn't really talk but i think he seemed shocked. yes yes, i don't look like the me from three years ago. anyhoos, loved the exhibit. had lunch at the country club then went to see the art auction preview. i told my dad i liked some of the pieces but he was like 'no way'. pity.
had a pretty good day, gastronomic-ally it was fantastic. had foie gras, lobster risotto, lobster thermidor and baked alaska for lunch. (omg, i sound like a pig but it was so good, i couldn't resist) dinner was awesome too. even kevin, who hates indian food, ate quite a big share.
watching the chelsea match now. i'm really happy. 2nd goal was by BALLACK. wooooo. was really annoyed when he got called off. grrr. but drogba scored after that so didn't dwell much coz i was busy telling mich and jake how thrilled i was. teehee.

I used to be love drunk
But now I’m hungover
Ill love you forever
But now it’s over
-love drunk, boys like girls

2009-09-18T22:29:00.002+08:00

trying to keep calm before my exam tomorrow. the last thing i need is for myself to go into freak out mode and forget everything that i had so painfully memorized, shed tears over and walked into a wall for.
mom picked me up early am from michie's place after the overnight cram session. -blows kisses- thanks a bunch mich.
spent the whole day studying, sleeping and snacking. oh yes and talking with kev. he's such a nuisance but he's just so lovable. can you just imagine the cheesy smile that's supposedly going with that? -shudders-

2009-09-18T02:59:00.002+08:00

i've got an exam in thirty plus hours and all i wanna do is SLEEEEEEEEEEEP. sighs. okay, bad me, whatever but seriously turning into some kind of zombie.
michelle is laughing about my weird nightmares about an er tb chasing me. -.- not funny yo.
kaes la. i must give praise. she's my motivator-cum-torturer. forcing me to study into artic conditions while trying to memorise chapters and answer questions PROPERLY. oh wells, at least the answer-question part is more or less MUCH IMPROVED. especially in the bloody cold.
having insane conversations with michelle the last two days. even had a super disgusting-weird one just seconds ago about her toes. she was 'looking closer' *coughsmellingcough* at her toes and i thought she was gonna bite it. so i semi-freaked. lols. weird cow.
we went out for early supper. gonna get fat sia. i ate so much then and now we're snacking on homemade cookies which jt thinks its inedible but actually is pretty decent. (note: i need to add this or mich will kill me)
anyways gonna have to continue when i CRAVE my sleep so so badly. S.O.S.

2009-09-16T00:05:00.002+08:00

lauraa; michelle: hahhaa. but i dowan chocolates though. i want candy. haahaha. chocs can be difficult to carry around. i wanna shop too! oh man oh man. hahahaha.
16 Sep 09, 00:02
Michelle: haha... we're totally crazy we will go shop for chocolates next week lor, and NEWLOOK,Topshop.haha
16 Sep 09, 00:00
lauraa; michelle: ehhh. how i know. you know what i normally like. white choco too. but i dont like cute, i like s3xy designs. xD
15 Sep 09, 23:58
Michelle: And i dont like nuts!
15 Sep 09, 23:57
Michelle: wrappers*
15 Sep 09, 23:57
Michelle: But what kind do you like to eat. I like gold wrapped white chocolate with cute decorations. Yummy!
15 Sep 09, 23:55
lauraa; michelle: uhhhh. sadly no. -.- hard to find also. might as well give up but too addicted. must help me find a new, better flavour!!!
15 Sep 09, 23:54
Michelle: your*
15 Sep 09, 23:54
Michelle: i haven found the flavour i like how to stick, must try out different flavours maybe i might fall in love with it. You addiction to THAT BRAND sighs. no comments lor. But that brand quite alot right?
15 Sep 09, 23:52
lauraa; michelle: hahaha. you're too picky. =p stuck with one flavour which is addictive. i need rehab to get over my addiction. hahhaa.
15 Sep 09, 23:51
Michelle: Of course la. Very expensive to make good quality goods leh. Thats why so ex mah. but the cheaper ones sighs. CMI sia
15 Sep 09, 23:50
lauraa; michelle: ZOMG. hahhaa. i think the ones we're looking for OOS though. sad sad. maybe its time to try different flavours. xD
15 Sep 09, 23:49
Michelle: um... my candy choice ar... but the mass quantity ones got no quality leh. not nice to eat; waiting for new flavours now haha
15 Sep 09, 23:47
lauraa; michelle: hahhaa. you're always broke. walao. so far away.. nvmm, better than my original choice. LAWL. you must make your candy choice also~ =p
15 Sep 09, 23:46
Michelle: sighs. um... orchard ion got fresh ones one day we go. I NEED TO DESTRESS. but i think this month also gone le haha.
15 Sep 09, 23:45
lauraa; michelle: hahhaa. i also WANT lo. i need to make my candy purchase soon lo. but cannot find anything i like. sighs. any suggestions? =(

this is what happens when michelle and i go on a high, post-famine/drought of ecandy. we go borderline insane and then she gets stressed and i get .......
that's a secret for another time.

2009-09-15T23:26:00.002+08:00

literally rolled out of bed today. was supposed to wake up early to study but i managed to stay in bed until nearly eleven. go me. s'funny how i can never sleep enough but when papers come round, i can sleep half a day away.
met chelle at parkway to study. her; finance, me; er. i'm really really backlogged since i've been trying to revise then go back from the start and start over before moving on to the next chapter. kinda demoralizing when i forget stuff but gotta press on anyways.
michelle's gone on a no-make up streak but she looks like a ghost right now. -.- then again, she's so lazy to take off her makeup which is the result of her pimple outbreak which she won't stop yapping about. so tempted to tell her SERVE YOU RIGHT. oh wait, i just did. heh. i know you're gonna spam my tagboard about this but its so true.
studied. gossiped. snacked. music. e-candy-ed, unsuccessfully.
me and mich were hoping to make the cafe as our permanent study place but the food and service has really gone down the drain. bleahs.
packed up early so mich and i could get our fix on looking for new clothes. although pp kinda sucks now since dorothy perkins and topshop have moved out.
walked home. tonight was unusually smoggy. ugh. plans to walk in ecp went right out the window after that.

three more days, i'm so fucking scared.

2009-09-15T00:47:00.002+08:00

nothing is what it seems,
no one sees the girl behind the face.
the pain behind the laugh.
the tears behind the smile.

leaving you behind.
moving on with him.
abandoned by her.
them vanishing again.

i hated you.
i loved him.
i adored her.
i respected them.

all of it gone.
an illusion, a dream.
and so,
nothing is what it seems.

2009-09-13T22:51:00.000+08:00

only good thing this weekend was i finally got the engraving done. after like ages of wanting it and not really doing anything about it.
i feel stupid putting this mask of indifference when i know i'm coming undone. why can't people understand i've got my own problems and i don't need theirs?
been trying to study. sickens me when i go back to my notes and realize i don't remember anything. bleahs. i feel so bad that my studies are so hopeless that my friends are actually WORRYING about me passing a stupid test. sighs.
anyhoos, gonna continue half-glaring, half-cursing and attempt at studying.

2009-09-12T02:07:00.002+08:00

been feeling a bit under the weather the last few days. super exhausted. slept for a coupla hours but when i woke up this morning, i felt like it was just seconds ago that i had just succumbed to slumber.
forcing myself to finish lolita by vladimir nabokov. i've always wanted to read lolita but its so difficult to continue coz its kinda dull.
parents had a little get together coz ashley and aaron are in from melbourne and we havent seen them. yeah, they've really grown up. aaron looks so much like a younger josh now. jonathan was there too. is it possible that he grew taller?? miss them, its a pity they're flying back on tuesday. boo.

2009-09-09T12:51:00.002+08:00

michimichi, hearts&kisses to you. =D you know why. hehe. anyways wake up, switch on your phone and sms me! i need some entertainment in class later, girl.
work work work. work's been pretty enjoyable i guess. funny to talk with sari, huda and the boys. we're just a noisy bunch of youths. teehee. i must stretch the word YOUTH to accomodate david but yeah. hahaha.
have to leave for school in about fifteen minutes. kinda nervous coz i'm not sure what to expect. seriously i'm questioning my choice in majors right now but too late for regrets.
still a bit miffed with some people. but i really can't do anything about it. everything's been said and done and the dynamic of our friendships have drastically changed much to my dismay and relief.

It starts with a secret, a glimmer of light
The last leaf that falls, the swallow’s first flight
A touch of a raindrop, a sparkle of snow
The north star that guides you wherever you go
Racing every shadow, chasing sunlight till the stars glow
Let the truth in your heart send you everyday
You’ll never lose your way.
-katherine mcphee

2009-09-08T23:14:00.000+08:00

ugh, something's wrong with blogger. anyhoos, pretty good day overall la. started work. sherman, you are damn lucky i came in today la if not i think you and david would have just gotten that difficult stack!
received further bad news later in the noon but i just tried to remain positive although i think i saw thunderclouds looming over my head for the last hour of work or so.
went out to ecp again. its my haven from reality. seriously. test on the 19th, somehow the phrase 'i need a miracle' is ringing through my head. sighs. that's not a good start.

2009-09-06T18:40:00.001+08:00

couldn't sleep the whole night and reluctantly went to bed at 6. woke up about 10 plus. mooched around the house, watched my brother play his games. nothing interesting really.
kinda wonder if my body/mind abhors sleep. its like some days i feel really drained but i just can't fall asleep. and its starting to catch up on me. i'm high-strung, irritable and much more emotional than usual.
on a totally random note, i came across this online. its an old superstition; hold your breath when you pass by a graveyard so you don’t breathe in any of the souls. weird huh.

Who do you need?
Who do you love,
When you come undone

2009-09-04T14:23:00.000+08:00

pretty crap morning. felt a bit more than just miffed but just trying to remain positive. so yeah. anyways tried cooling down by rereading the time traveler's wife (still pissed about the movie). of course, a phrase in the book caught my attention so i put the quote on my msn nick. on hindsight given my crummy morning, it was a bit disturbing to see 'a drop of blood in a bowl of milk' as part of my nick.
so yeah, no, i'm not feeling suicidal. miserable maybe but not suicidal. i guess, i like the quote very much. i used to play with paints and i think i really liked it when i had a cup of white colored water and then you throw in a drop of thick, zesty red. at first its like a blemish on the surface before it starts 'bleeding'. eventually the red and white settles and you end up with this nearly pepto-bismol pink with white swirls.
i dunno. its this weird serenity i get from it. does that make me weird? not really. i don't see the need to fit people's expectations (except oddly on occasion, i try and fail at my parents').
anyways back to the topic. i guess, it reminds me that even setbacks will pass. that i haven't been seeing the big picture. eventually like the red, unhappy events get swallowed up and sometimes forgotten in the sea of everything. its whether i let myself be happy, or if i choose to focus on all the negativity (of course, karma's gonna kick my ass if i let that happen). but whatever the case, it just becomes a part of me.

2009-09-03T23:57:00.000+08:00

Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look
You're never there
And every time I sleep
You're always there
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
-everywhere, michelle branch

it sucks trying to forget. i want to, have been aching to for awhile but i foolishly let it continue. time passes so slowly when you're not around, yet when i see you there's just not enough time in the world. sucks huh. to be part of the picture.
deleting you from my contacts, removing your pictures from my phone, i don't wish to have anything to do with you. but if it were only that simple.

YOU.
CONFUSE.
ME.
AND.
I.
THINK.
I.
LOVE.
YOU.
FOR.
IT.

2009-09-03T20:43:00.000+08:00

i normally think i had a flair for being overly dramatic and i'm about to exercise it right now.
I WAS ROBBED OF MY EMOTIONAL CLIMAX for the time traveler's wife movie. after reading the book, i had steeled myself for a major sob fest during the movie but they had removed good and essential parts of the book and lost the whole weepy not-quite-happily-never-after ending and instead rushed into an ending that i felt cheated of. GRAWR.
and to think i had anxiously and not very patiently awaited for this movie. even made a bunch of back up dates for the movie and informed everyone i was gonna have a sobbing fit at the end of the movie (had it followed the book).
ummms. i actually had a whole essay of complaints right after the movie. but i think after listing my complaints to mich, i have forgotten most of them. feh, my advice would be to read the book after the movie or you'll be crying for a different reason than the one that the book promised.

loved today. just managed to relax and unwind. oddly, sometimes moving on means revisiting the past. although i'm still not sure where i stand, i know i have your support and that matters most.

2009-09-02T23:08:00.000+08:00

i'm actually too lazy to blog but mich pushed me to since she's even more lazier than me to update her blog. -.- stupid cow. so yeah.
suppose to meet at 1 but postponed to nearly 3 coz i had to walk over to her place in the gosh darn blazing heat while she happily styled her hair. -.- i freaked out when i reached her house coz when i was walking into, a stupid huge ass grasshopper flew out of nowhere and landed on my arm. okay, for those who know me bugs/creepy crawlies scare the fuck out of me. i have insect phobia, whatever its called, and even ants scare me. ugh.
yeah. went down to school. admin always so screwed up but whatev. made a sarcastic remark and it turned out to be an uber funny. i joked with the admin lady handling mich's case that mich had popped a baby since she had been away from school for the last ten months and the woman was like 'OMG, really?'. burst out laughing while mich prob wanted to kill me coz despite her denial, the admin person looked very unconvinced. wahahah.
of course, we had a major giggle fit and called jt to 'break the news' to him. but i think i was super incoherent that he asked me to repeat. couldnt help it, mich was already in her laughing fit and i was close to joining her when we made the phone call. teehee.
kbox. i think i've gotten the few chinese songs to a pat. plus i can jump from male to female which means i mostly get male parts coz mich can't reach that low. le sigh. but still quite fun.
headed to marina to play pool. JT! mich is super determined to beat you. but first i think she needs to beat me. -.- 3 out of 5 leh mich and i'm just about the lousy-est player. =x hahaha. mich complains that i play too much like some people but i doubt it. my aim is waaaaaaay off, i'd be darn lucky to sink a coupla balls, much less play a full game.
went window shopping for awhile. bought my flats/sandals that i've been looking at for awhile. yayness.
school's starting next week. i feel like my life's rushing past me and i'm not really enjoying it.. its like by this time next year, i'd probably have graduated (if i remain in singapore) and that really saddens me. to be just 19 and not quite an adult, not quite a teen either. sighs.

2009-09-01T23:31:00.000+08:00

mom's bday today. so me and my sibs cabbed down to her office place at knock off time to 'surprise' her. i'm so blur, thought today was a public holiday but actually its just for students and stuff. heh.
went to saint pierre. apparently the chef, emmanuel stroobant, there is super famous. for wearing black and since he's blonde and fairly handsome, its a bit of a stunner thing. so i told my mom that i hope we'd see the chef coz i seriously wanted some eye candy, didn't happen but didn't really matter coz the dinner was fanorgasmictastic! i'm totally in love with french cuisine now.
i used to think foie gras was super gross. its stuffed goose/duck liver which made me feel really sick thinking about it but i was really curious about it so i tried some. OMGGGG, seriously, no regrets trying it despite how unappetizing it looked.
blew my whole not eating chocolate diet tonight. grrr. i couldnt resist. the review said that the chocolate cake was a MUST TRY. and when it comes to chocolate cake, i have ZERO resistance. so i ordered it. although have to admit, it was worthwhile. i think my parents were so amused by my reaction. pure happiness and bliss from the first bite.
feeling so happy since i've had my chocolate. such a good good good mood. i love you i love you i love you, chocolate gateau cake name which i forgot and couldnt pronounce in the first place.

2009-09-01T01:55:00.001+08:00

"Before Ah answer, Petey, do ya mind tellin' me where this is comin' from? You've gone 'round with your chin draggin' the ground for days now, and it don't take a genius to figure out somethin's wrong. An' in my own experience, Ah've learned that, if ya don't talk about it, it sure won't get any better, an' it'll prob'ly just get worse." She reached up and patted his shoulder affectionately, and settled in for a long session. "So come on and tell ol' Rogue all about it and we'll see if we can't figure out an answer to the problem. Or at least talk it so near to death that it just gives up."

love this quote from paper flowers. it makes me laugh yet totally nod in understanding. i used to think i was a good listener. but maybe some days, i'm listening but i'm not hearing. methinks its time for me to change that.

2009-09-01T00:42:00.002+08:00

caught the proposal, super nice movie. made me feel a little gloomy since there were like literally couples everywhere in the theatre and i was pretty much the very odd one out. sighs.
crummy evening so i walked out. i love ecp, or rather beaches. just love sitting there while the wind ruffles my hair and listening to the waves crash onto the sand.
jake came down to find me. poor him. he had to listen to me sulk and complain. later we gossiped for awhile. i think we got a little too loud coz there was a couple sitting on a bench further down and they kept glaring at us. jake just glared back. he's perfected/improved on his glare, after the four years i've known him. heh.
jake left after a while. stayed out a bit more. was about close to eleven when i finally went back.

you can call me a fool
i know its true
but that doesn't change
my feelings for him.

2009-08-31T12:09:00.002+08:00

numero uno embarrassment of the day(s). i've been wearing my shirt inside out for the last fourteen hours and i've just realized that. ooops.
dunno why i felt so tired. i actually sacked out for nine hours. a near-miracle when it involves me and sleep.
had so much fun playing mahjong yesterday. i haven't realized how much i missed hanging out and talking with glen. he's finally gotten his license so he picked us up yesterday. s'funny but apparently he's the best driver out of the three of them so no comments.
i think i half-convinced him that having some semblance of red brings good luck. coz my grandma had painted her nails red, my uncle was wearing a red shirt and i had red highlights and we kept winning while he actually didn't start winning until much much later.
trying to convince jt to play mahjong with me, glen and mich later in the week. superbly unsuccessful. its like sisyphus, rolling a boulder uphill only for it to slide back down. humpf.

2009-08-30T12:38:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling kinda strange
'Cause of all the things you say
Yeah I know, too good to believe
This probably won't work
'Cause you're kind of a jerk
And for sure you're way too cool for me

Yeah I'm a fool for love
'Cause I just can't give you up
I'm a fool for love
Wish I could stop, wish I could stop
I'm a fool for love
'Cause I just can't get enough
I'm a fool for love
Can't get enough, can't get enough of your
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la, yeah I'm a fool for love
-STEFY

so maybe it isn't that bad.
i love the whole rollercoaster rush.
the whole 'is this love?' shebang.
so maybe one day i'll tell,
maybe i won't.
like i said before,
its your happiness that matters to me.
and not what i want.
i'm a fool for love.
and i don't wish it any other way.

2009-08-30T04:50:00.003+08:00

Don’t throw your heart away because you’re gonna get it thrown right back at you, twice as hard, and you’re going to miss it, and it’s going to fall and hit the ground and break into a million pieces.

i know i sound so freaking repetitive. but i can't help it right now. i hate playing the friend. i don't want to sit around while you parade your latest squeeze. am i selfish to ask for your time? i don't even want for you, because i never want to put you in a spot and i just want to see you happy.
how much does this suck. to adore someone who doesn't want you. for you not to know, so that i can happily remain in the picture. i'm not asking for the skies, i just want to be here for you.
there's no escaping. it's too late. i've fallen.

2009-08-29T02:39:00.002+08:00

rents just left on a weekend jaunt to bangkok and the aircon chooses to go on the fritz. le sigh. freaking annoyed. trying to position the fan so that me and my bro wont die of heat.
i know i'm overdoing it but i guess once in a long time couldn't kill me right?
weekend's looking both bleak yet packed. i feel exhausted just thinking about saturday - monday plans. but i've already made my promises so i'm not backing out. looking forward to sunday though because finally get my mahjong party going on. =D

your happiness
is all that matters
to me.

2009-08-27T21:05:00.001+08:00

decided that moping about it was totally stupid. i should be more mature and rise above the pettiness. and that should be the principle of things.
anyhoos. mich, i wont be bothering with wow. you can go ahead and buy if you want. talked with my cousin about it and i decided, i missed playing diablo. so am gonna be anticipating its release. me, glen and kevin were talking about it. we're so stoked. diablo3, i can't wait!
finally found mahjong kakis. now looking for a place. grawr. at this point, i wish i was an only child so that i can actually use the room, that was originally MINE, for anything at anytime. but then again, i'm blessed with siblings so i shan't mention it.

every little thing you do
makes me smile.
and i wonder
how could i ever give you up?

2009-08-27T18:48:00.002+08:00

was already in a semi-depressed mood today when i came across something that hurt me really bad. it was super insensitive of the person and i felt really upset. i know i can't, so can you fucking stop rubbing it in my face can you? was already close to tears when that person successfully pushed to my tipping point.
i guess it was a good thing that the guys were all talking/joking with me so i felt a bit better. seriously crummy mood though. axel keeps making teasing remarks which is probably gonna get him killed when i'm in a good mood but i'm just happy to be distracted from the unhappy matter.

i don't know why
i keep hanging around
for the eventual heartbreak.
every time i say i'm leaving,
you say all the right things
to make me stay.
i'm a fool to love you.

2009-08-26T22:18:00.000+08:00

check up this morn. stitches out. FINALLY. early lunch in town with mom and i insisted on having my burger. tastes like heaven after all that porridge and whatnots.
went down to joyce to get my hair done. mom had to lead the way since joyce moved AGAIN. got a pretty good deal. love my burnished, copper-red hair. joyce and mom agreed it was a good choice but a bit radical. told them wasn't gonna follow the style of blonde with dark hair. hair smells honeydew/chestnut-esque and i can't get rid of it. WJ says its a nice smell but methinks its waaaaaaaaay overpowering.
took a coupla pics. posted elsewhere, go take a look-see peepos.
anyways, emo still in session. planning to declutter my wardrobe and cubby over the next few days but i feel exhausted just looking at my clothes. bleah.

you're well on your way
on becoming another
skeleton in my closet.
goodbye.

you killed me.

2009-08-25T22:23:00.000+08:00

plans fell through this morn. but met up with mich after lunch anyways. headed down to suntec, wandered around before deciding to kbox, despite the fact that i probably couldn't sing properly and that she had a sorethroat. i think we wasted two hours of miserably singing before we both got high and then our singing craze came back.
smsed back and forth with a***. mich was so intrigued and she started her own theories and all. isn't that right mich? no worries la, still very much part of the SU Club and the SM Club.
anyhoos. nothing much to say really. just that i'm gonna sack out soon. got appointment to remove the stitches tomorrow so i'm counting down til then. SOLID FOOD! i so can't wait to sink my teeth into a burger or something.

i hope to forget you.
moving on.
with someone new.
maybe,
just maybe.

2009-08-24T22:42:00.000+08:00

Macchiato says:
haha
fbts?
haha
LAURA. Xサイレン. lake baikal.prydonium.♥ hells bells. twist the knife. я забуду вас. says:
but dunno leh
wanted to wear my nice tank
but its like
7 month
dowan anyhow pai
Macchiato says:
hahhaha
lols
later got someone else in the picture
haha
LAURA. Xサイレン. lake baikal.prydonium.♥ hells bells. twist the knife. я забуду вас. says:
WALAO
can dont say or not
>.<
i already scared
Macchiato says:
hahahahah

stupid michelle. she knows how paranoid i get around 7th month, especially with people warning me how blase i appear about it (despite it not being true). seriously i'm gonna have nightmares about jogging now. thanks a lot mich. stupid cow.

2009-08-24T20:46:00.000+08:00

watched the miss universe competition this morn. was totally rooting for miss australia and miss kosovo but i put up a bet for miss venezuela to win (has anyone noticed how effortlessly gorgeous they are, hands down a win for them). i just earned $$$! kinda disappointed though. coz i think miss australia should have won. dammit.
walked to PP to meet my grandmother for lunch. i love the weather just before it rains. probably gonna go for a longer walk tomorrow. anyways had japanese lunch, ate chawanmushi. -.- my whole no-solid food diet is killing me. i am so counting down to wednesday. hopefully will remove the stitches then.
spent my afternoon dossing about before phone call with michelle. i think we managed to blather on for over an hour and a half before she went to sleep. pig. tomorrow meeting at 6am, bitch, so please wake up.
so. first day of the holidays and i'm pretty much bored already and starting to miss school. like wtf.
got three new songs today so i'm going around blasting them. yay.

i feel empty
when you're not around.
i can't leave you.
i can't forget you.
my hand in yours.
i want you so badly.

2009-08-23T13:39:00.000+08:00

never thought it would end up this way but yeah. so here i am. back to square one. shattered pieces of me, bleeding yet breathing. i'll get over this. i know i will.
don't really have plans for the rest of my hols. not keen on staying home where the boringly predictable drama continues.. i just want to get out of the house, away from the fighting, arguments.
i can't believe that i was so naive enough to believe that everything would go away just because i thought you were my knight in shining armor. enough fairy tales, there are no happy endings.

Everytime I feel alone
I can blame it on you
And I do

You just bring me down
So I'm counting the tears 'til I get over you
-michelle branch

2009-08-22T23:13:00.000+08:00

i just can't put my finger to it.
why am i feeling this way again?
just when you think
everything's settled and over with,
it comes back to haunt you.
i just wish i knew
what i wanted.
because right now,
i don't know anymore
than i was at seventeen.

2009-08-22T14:48:00.000+08:00

just so freaking tired. er exam was okay, wrote whatever i managed to squeeze into my cranium earlier in the am. felt so sick during the paper. doodled for like fifteen minutes before giving up on my last question. couldn't think of anything else to add so i left.
decided to take a bus back instead of waiting for my mom. big mistake. broke out in cold sweat before nearly fainting on the bus. lucky it happened just one stop before my stop, got off and forced myself to walk -must have looked like a druggie or something.
at least now i'm free from school obligations so i can sleep as much as i want. oh wells, exams finally done and over with. gonna have fun til my next term starts and then i'll have to buckle down and study hard. six classes, laura, don't screw up.

2009-08-21T10:14:00.000+08:00

twenty-three hours til er exam. and i'm still not done with studying. although to be honest, i have no idea what to study. haha. not exactly thrilled that it'll be in the am coz i doubt i'll be fully awake to take the paper. >.<
feeling much better after i switched to the new medication. not entirely sure if it was the combination of the old medication or that particular medicine but whatever. still debating on attending the exam since i'm not up to traveling around (aside from stoning around the house).
hey mich, we can totally play mahjong after this saturday -something you've been anxiously waiting to play. haha. i think i can get another two players to even up but see first yeah?
gonna go back to sleep in awhile. my new medication apparently makes me super drowsy. (should i take it tomorrow then if i'm attending the exam?)

2009-08-20T09:16:00.001+08:00

Can’t make up my mind, about the boy
Sometimes he brings me down, sometimes he brings me joy
I want him around, but he’s never in town
Can’t make up my mind, oh no

But I love him even though my friends say he’s not right
I know it’s true but can’t deny he’s on my mind

Chorus
I love him I love him I love him I love him
I love him I love him I love him I love him
And there ain’t no other that I’d put above him
I’m so mad about the boy

Can’t make up my mind about this guy
Sometimes he makes me smile sometimes he makes me cry
Other guys have tried, but he’s the one I like
I’m so mad about this guy

But I love him even though my friends say he’s no right
I know its true but cant deny he’s on my mind

Chorus
I love him I love him I love him I love him
I love him I love him I love him I love him
And there ain’t no other that I’d put above him
I’m so mad about the boy

Call it what you like but I ain’t no love fool
You would understand if he was loving you
We’ve had our ups and downs, but i still want him around
He is the one, I know is true

Chorus
I love him I love him I love him I love him
I love him I love him I love him I love him
And there ain’t no other that I’d put above him
I’m so mad about the boy

Mad about the boy by Ava Leigh

how long do i have to keep waiting?
for all of this
to start or end.
make your stand.
break my heart
or save me again.

2009-08-20T01:20:00.003+08:00

a classroom setting.
words and hearts
litter my notes.
yours is blank,
save for messy scribbles.
i pretend not to care,
you give that all-knowing smirk
and the game is on.

red scrunchy,
leather band watch.
a moment of silence,
i giggle, you grin.
surroundings forgotten
as the world held its breath
that very afternoon.

a conspiratorial smile.
stars draping the dark background.
nothing feels as good
as just lying next to you.
words unnecessary,
our actions speak louder than words.

i just can't help myself.
you've pulled me into a world
that i never want to leave.
i'll follow you anywhere.

2009-08-20T00:32:00.002+08:00

swelling and headache's gotten worse. i feel sick trying to move around so i'm more or less just lying on my bed or in a half-dead slump on the couch in the living room.
not much studying going on. but i'm not even sure whether i'll be well enough to take the exam on saturday without passing out in the exam hall.
feel bad making my friends worry but seriously, i have no mood for any sort of conversation at the mo. erratic hours are back but it just can't be helped.
trying to be positive, more optimistic about post-surgery but its just so hard when nothing's going right. i feel helpless, even more so when i can't quite keep my emotions in check.
on a lighter note, i want to watch jennifer's body. but haven't found anyone who would want to watch it with me. highly doubt michelle's interested especially after i went high and said 'its got girl-on-girl action!'. noooooope, not happening for the time being. can't believe i have to wait til end of october though.

what hurts the most
is that i know
how much you care.
but its not enough
to have a happy ending.

2009-08-19T03:49:00.001+08:00

if this is the after-effect of the surgery, then i guess i'm glad i extracted all four wisdom teeth at one go. puke/purge sessions getting more often and bloodier. le sigh. i feel so immune to the grossness of the situation because i'm banishing everything to the back of my mind.
i swear, if i died right now and an autopsy was done, they'd find my stomach full of blood. and that's no joke. the nurse encouraged me not to spit but swallow -something to do with preventing the stitches from pulling but i can't help it if it becomes necessary to favor the toilet than swallowing.
medicine isn't helping. my super painkiller has been limited to once a day. so is the swelling medicine. have about another five days worth of the three other medications but so far, don't know, don't see a difference in my condition. maybe i should be happy that it isn't worse?
i feel so mopey. this.. problem is so upsetting. i just want to talk to someone but not that i have the voice to do so. i hate it. i feel so alone when i can't talk, powerless to communicate. thank god for msn and sms huh michelle.
major tummy ache right now. can taste the blood. see, this is the very reason why i never had any interest in medicine. i hate blood, the smell, the taste, the sight of it disgusts me. i hate needles, being used on me or anyone else. i hate pain, physically, emotionally, whatever.
dear god, let me just curl up and pass out. please please please. oh yeah and not to drown on my blood-spit-whatever.

copperbloodfear.

i detest it.
i hate that you're ignoring me
at the time
that i need you most.
i want to see you.
but i'm loathe to do so,
because i don't mean anything to you.

2009-08-18T21:42:00.002+08:00

surgery in the early am. mom accompanied me and i was super nervous. the anaesasist (whatever spelling) was a good looking, young dude. hahaha. i think it made me much less nervous. hahaha. mich, he definitely earned a 6 at least!
woke up with the mouthful of blood. couldnt spit it out, couldnt swallow. ended up coughing it out. sighs. damn gross. its so funny. that my blood flow is super low when it comes to collecting blood but when i get cuts or scrapes, its like the bloody niagara falls. (and no, twelve hours after the surgery and my mouth is still bleeding)
couldn't leave so was transported back to day ward. super boring. there is no tv, no magazines. got a guy in the next, er, section who snored really loud so my attempts at sleep tended to be short. plus got this china guy who was super noisy and his friend, equally so.
of course, had to encounter this weirdo. this guy was waiting for his gf/wife when i returned. was still feeling doped up when i realised he was staring and walking around. he actually went up to the other two girls (one girl was slightly older than me, the other looked about mid-30s) and started conversing and trying to stand close to the bed. when he approached my bed, i glared at him which probably wasn't intimidating in the first place.
surprised that my dad cabbed down. and he bought me a 'get well' gift. <3 hahah. stoned pretty much the whole time with intervals to replace the gauze and spit out more blood. hehe, i forced my friends to sms with me since i was so bored.
i guess i was pretty lucky. despite the swelling, which my mom says made my babyhood chubby cheeks return, all i got was a temporary headache. the woman on my right ended up needing those oxygen tubes or something while the woman opposite me was kept on throwing up.
anyways, received a weeklong MC. didn't think i would need it at that point. but with the currently intense pain and constant bleeding, i doubt i wanna go anywhere.

Oh you said love was forever and you told me
love would never
Break my heart, and I believed you as I fell
That's all over, let it go,
You're just a song I used to know
And your fantasy, it don't work for me
Go and pick on someone else
-toby lightman

2009-08-18T03:15:00.000+08:00

five and a half hours to go. seriously i wish i could just calm down. prayed for peace of mind, worked for awhile then got all agitated again. sighs. over-imaginative mind.
msned with mich but now she's gone to sleep. i should hit the sack too but again, my mind's in a bit of an overdrive.
gonna be a half-mute for tomorrow which is depressing considering how much i love to talk. and pain, like hell, i have no tolerance for pain. was told that i'm gonna wake up with a mouthful of blood after the surgery, not too sure how i'd feel then but it ain't sounding pretty.
missing you.

Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself
-taylor swift

yes i'm utterly addicted to taylor swift. i have have have to listen to a couple of her songs every day or i'll probably be more restless than i normally am.